I am one week removed from the first training weekend, I suppose I was expecting to see my practice lighten by leaps and bounds- but alas my practice only seems harder. I cannot seem to get out of my head- for every pose my mind is bombarded with a list of things to do: engage your bandhas, breath, relax, shift your weight, make every movement mindful and with intent. And what is worse is that I am terribly aware of how in my head and judgmental I am. Why can I not keep my mat free of my thoughts?
On Day Two of training when exhaustion was palpable, I was unable to merely be present. With every Chaturanga my mind was filled with thoughts, energy and demanding my body keep pace and form perfect. When my body dared rest in Samasthithi- my mind was still going through the actions: Urdhva Hastanana, Uttanasana, Ardha Uttanasana... never still, always moving. Of course the person practicing in my mind's eye looked more like David Swenson or Shiva Rea, every movement had intention, grace and flow not thought just action. The very opposite of my own practice which is boggled and controlled by thought and ration (and sometimes bargaining, "come on quads give me one more decent Utkatasana and you can have extra fruit on your oatmeal tomorrow for breakfast").
Ironically, at Friday's Astanga class Debbie said to try to lead and listen with your heart and not your mind for the next 90 minutes- how easier said than done.
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